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You know you live in California if:
- You make over $250,000 a year and still can't afford a house.
- It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work and hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
- Your child's third grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and named Breeze.
- You can't remember... is pot legal?
- You've been to a baby shower for an infant who has two mothers and sperm donor.
- You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
- You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
- You can't remember... is pot legal?
- A really great parking space can move you to tears.
- The guy in line at Starbucks, wearing the baseball cap, sunglasses, and looks like George Clooney, IS George Clooney.
- Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
- Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
- It's sprinkling out, and there's a report on every news channel ut "THE STORM!"
- Hey ... is pot legal?
- Over 85% of the cities, towns, and streets start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La, or De Los.
- Two overcast days in a row drive you mad.
- A family of four owns six vehicles.
- Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over almost as soon as you realize what's happening.
- Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.
- Yeah, you're sure ...? pot is legal?
Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. Californians cannot afford to turn on the lights.